This blog is a little different to the other blogs, epechally the blogs of late. It is not a blog aimed at anyone nor nothing really that has been going on. But it is simple me wondering alowed, I think really.
I remember, and I think this is where I started thinking about this , being told that I was an honnest and open person. That you could tell what I was thinking more or less all the time. This naturally made me feel a little shit, in fact it had the effect and making me rather mad, he soon got told exactly what had been going on and if I had not been in the position that I was, he would have been told exactly what I was thinking. However I was not mad at him, rather hurt that he throught that he knew me, after such short time.
I do not find saying how I really feel easy at all. I do try and it normally comes off very badly or is just ignored totally, the topic brushed over all together until it comes about again. I know I am bad for this, in fact people who know me, know I am very bad and will take months if not years over something I really want to say.
However I perhaps pick the topic of relationships to talk about today, in rather a oundabout and a way that might not make totaly sence to read. You see couples perfectly happy, perhaps I am a little jelous of them, but I know I am happy most of the time so I should not be right? Not so, jelousy is always going to be there, if I am honnest it always has been with me. Not over material things but over one main thing, that is often described as love. People have families and yeah so do I, I love them to bits but you know something I always wanted to feel the love that you get from a relationship, and I did feel it, sadly. I got to the peak and then it suddenly had to go down. I perhaps look at longer relationships and hope that they realize that they shared something that seems to lack in me at the moment, for longer than I did. I remember it as being something that felt so good that I could run off the feeling for days. But it does not last sometimes, and then you have to get on with things.
This is not to say I am not happy, God I am, I think. But you soon get to know that being single has it's advantages, and yes it has it's disadvantages. But the thing is what do you get at the end of the day? You go home and it's just you, there is no one there who will always give you a hug or a small kiss, there is no one around who will listen to you go on about the Guides for hours on end, with exceptions on this one. But what I am saying is that, if you come out of something and fall straight into something else, you are dam lucky. You get a closeness that is often envied by others. You do not get to feel.
There should be a lot more here, but I will spare the person in question any embarrassment, in fact. What I am trying to say is don't take something for nothing. Don;t use someone because you are lonely, they might end up feeling more lonely after it all. So do not regret but make sure that you give what you get in return, I guess that is what I want to say.
I do leave you with this comment though. If you turn someone down and they go very quiet and not say anything then they are proberly not just being quiet but hurting in some way.
Another thing is that if you ket someone down then it may just be harder for them. If they have any heart then they will not want to let you down.
Me when it comes to liking someone I seem to be stupid, I never know how the other person feels, unless they spell it out. I hate letting people down, I hate not feeling anything for them. I know that with some if I felt something I would be well looked after and safe. It would be a good relationship. But then thats not me, I would rather stick it out for someone who makes me feel more alive and happy than someone which is a friend and cannot make me happy in a certain way. I know that they will come around but now it may just be upto them, when ever they turn up. 
